I made a great vow that I would share my experience after being able to give birth. I am now “sitting the month” during the postnatal period and I know deeply it is definitely out of sheer luck that I could have a baby without the help of Guan Yin Bodhisattva. I am moved to tears every time I think of the mercy of the Great Merciful and Great Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, without whom I would never see any hope.
I was married in 2009, and I often had ominous dreams back then. However, things were beyond my control as I did not know how to solve them at all. I lived in sorrow for five years from then on. Seeking help from countless fortune tellers proved to be totally ineffective. I got pregnant in the first year after marriage but I miscarried in the 26th week of pregnancy. I thought it was due to my lack of sleep because of stress at work. As I desperately wanted to have a child, I got pregnant again after half a year. This time I quitted my job just to rest at home carefully. I lied in bed all the time. One day during the 7th month of pregnancy, I felt painful and experienced bloody show. When I got to the hospital, the cervix already opened but the foetal position was abnormal. I told the doctor that I had to keep the baby but after four hours’ pain, the baby still could not be born no-matter how hard we tried. But I insisted on keeping the baby. Unfortunately, the next two hours’ effort was in vain and I already lost a lot of blood. At that time an experienced doctor rushed in and yelled at me that I would die if I still insisted keeping the baby! I had to undergo the operation and was unable to keep the baby. After experiencing the same tragedy twice, my life seems to be hopeless. The suffering of having breast milk with no baby to feed is beyond imagination. I was heartbroken and felt so guilty to my parents-in-law.
I couldn’t stress how desperate I was but I tried hard to hide my feelings from my family. One day I went to a temple in my village and kneeled down to pray to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for help. When I was about to leave, I found a piece of yellow paper with words ‘The Great Compassion Mantra’ on the altar. After doing some research at home, I knew that The Great Compassion Mantra is a scripture propagated by Guan Yin Bodhisattva to all beings and is a source of great energy to those who recite it. My body was very weak back then, so much so that I even fainted while having an interview for a job. At that time I already heard of the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door. I did not practice it because I had no idea how to recite Buddhist scriptures. But finally, I decided to give it a try.
I soon became fluent in reciting the Great Compassion Mantra and recited it every day. Reciting Little Houses was so exhausting at the beginning that I could only finish half a Little House in a day. The prime reason for me to recite scriptures was to have a baby successfully rather than to improve my better understanding of Buddhism. As a result, I was impatient and insincere. I spent a lot of money having physical examinations, surgeries, and medicine.
I was so impetuous that I got pregnant again in less than half a year after practicing the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door half-heartedly. I lived in the best hospital in my province and had cervical transfixion to prevent miscarriage. I even refused to use anaesthetic only to reduce any potential harm to the baby. Unfortunately, miscarriage happened again in less than 20 weeks. I cried to my mother desperately. My mother said, “These tragedies might be due to the force of fate.” The doctor even suggested that I adopt a child. I felt so despaired that I even wanted to end my life. At the same time, I was unwilling to accept such a destiny that I could not have my own child.
The Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door came to my mind again while I was extremely desperate. I decided to practice diligently rather than purely wish to have a child. I knew that my wish would not come true if I had not repaid my karmic debts. Both my family and I have suffered enough. I felt exceedingly guilty to the children who lost their lives due to my miscarriage. I prayed to the Guan Yin Bodhisattva that all I wished was nothing more than obtaining more energy to repay my karmic debts.
I woke up before six o’clock in the morning to perform recitations everyday and things started to change: I would not cry anymore in the middle of the night and I have become much more outgoing. I have not experienced any gynaecological problems and the result of physical examination was normal every time. I finally had peace of mind by understanding that, if I dedicatedly practiced Buddhism and cultivated myself, Guan Yin Bodhisattva would answer my prayer and grant my wish. I planned to get pregnant two years later. After reciting scriptures sincerely and persistently, I felt liberated. At that time I already took great vows to perform life liberation, to abstain from eating meat on the 1st and 15th day of each lunar month, to stop killing for the rest of my life, to recite a fixed number of Little Houses batch by batch, and to hand out Master Lu’s books in temples during important Buddhist festivals.
I kept doing this for a year. One night, Guan Yin Bodhisattva gave me a booklet in my dream. I opened it and saw Guan Yin Bodhisattva’s signature and stamp below the column that read‘praying to have a child’. That was exactly what I had been praying for! Besides this, there are other options such as praying for longevity or money. Guan Yin Bodhisattva said, “According to your merit gained from practicing so far, I could only grant you this wish.” I was so excited and told Guan Yin Bodhisattva that a child was all I wanted. After I woke, I knew it was about time to have a child but I did not think I had done enough to deserve it. After all, I wanted to practice Buddhism harder first. From then on, I increased the amount of recitations everyday and lived a disciplined life.
After half a year, on 1stMay 2013 I dreamt about two Dharma protectors coming into my home and saying, “Hurry up, time is up! It’s only three months away!”But they were not referring to anything specific. Then I saw two dragons in the sky smiling at me. I was a little scared to see such giant dragons. I asked my family to come and have a look. Everyone praised the sacredness of the dragons. Afterwards, a woman in white clothes came in with a boy and a girl and mentioned that each requires at least $50. She also mentioned a date. The date was exactly the same as the one told by the Dharma protectors just then. Everyone in my family kneeled down in front of her and offered incense. My family gave me some incense as well. I was quite impolite to her and asked: ‘Who are you? Master Lu teaches us that Buddhists should not collect wealth by unjust means. Then she smiled. All incense in my hand suddenly curled up like flowers! I recalled that Master Lu once said that curly incense suggests the presence of Guan Yin Bodhisattva. After I woke up, I instantly understood that, it was the message that Guan Yin Bodhisattva had granted me a child! I was so stupid that I could not recognise that woman in my dream was exactly Guan Yin Bodhisattva. After three months, as my dream suggested, I really got pregnant! Even though I was not fully prepared, I firmly believed Guan Yin Bodhisattva would bless me.
The pregnancy was not as easy as I thought. I lived in the hospital for a total of three months because of early signs of miscarriage that had happened three times. Every time when I had to rush to the hospital at mid-night, I did not complain but believed that my sufferings were the retributions I had to undergo for my past mistakes. I must have harmed other people before. Later on, thanks to the help of Xiao Zhang from Master Lu’s Secretariat, I was instructed by Master Lu that my habitual abortion was caused by the massive karmic debts within my family. Only by persistently accumulating merits and repenting my past mistakes can I safely get over this obstacle. Whenever early signs of miscarriage occurred, I took vows to offer Little Houses and perform life liberation, after which the signs would disappear instantly. During pregnancy, I recited the Eight-eight Buddhas Great Repentance for five times and all other scriptures for forty nine times every day. With the help of more than twenty fellow practitioners, I offered one thousand Little Houses and released more than two thousand fish before the child was born. I also took a vow that in the first year after the child was born, I would release three thousand fish, introduce the practice of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door to three thousand people, print three thousand books of Buddhist scriptures and quit eating live seafood.
On 4th May 2014, my child was born safely. Because the birth was earlier than expected, the baby had to be kept in an incubator for a few days as baby’s weight was a little less than normal. Later on, my father told me that as he was so afraid of losing the baby, he went for a fortune teller without letting me know. The fortune teller told him that it would be safe because Guan Yin Bodhisattva was blessing and protecting the baby all the time! My father did not understand why I was practicing Buddhism before, but now he believes in Buddhism and has started reciting scriptures. No wonder he asked me to recite more scriptures and pray to Guan Yin Bodhisattva while I was pregnant.
Even though this was a gruelling experience, I felt so grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva that I had the chance to meet a lot of kind-hearted Buddhism followers. They recited scriptures for me every day until my child was born and performed life liberation for me whenever I felt uncomfortable. Some of them even transfer to me the merits they gain from handing out Master Lu’s books to other people, with the hope that my child could be safely born.
I truly believed that I could never have a child without the help of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and other followers. At the beginning, I practice Buddhism solely for personal benefit. After reading Buddhism in Plain Terms written by Master Lu, I gradually understood that the greatest source of energy I could have stemmed from the sincere cultivation of oneself. If we strive to purify the actions of our body, speech and mind in daily life, the Guan Yin Bodhisattva would bless us and grant our wish.
After being a mother, I felt that our love for the child is like that of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu for us. That is why Master Lu always instructs us to practice Buddhism with sincerity and dedication.
I would like to extend my gratitude to Guan Yin Bodhisattva that I had the opportunity to be a follower of Buddhism. I made the vow that I would follow Guan Yin Bodhisattva and cultivate myself for the rest of my life.
While I was writing this, I could not help crying. Because when I look back on the suffering that I have been through, I felt so thankful. While I was editing this article, I burst into tears and smelt a strong scent of sandalwood. The merciful Guan Yin Bodhisattva does know every bit of our thought and behaviour. Thanks Guan Yin Bodhisattva!