Hence, we should learn to put our minds in a state of equanimity, and to remain humble. Do not fight over every single thing. Place less focus on our own strengths and focus more on the strengths of others, turn your sense of arrogance into humility and respect for others. As you can see, those who are respectful of others will be rewarded the same way. When you are respectful to all of those around you, you will feel a great sense of harmony with your environment. Where does this harmony come from? It comes from you. So, being good to others will attract the same back to you. If you are jealous and hateful towards others, they will treat you the same way. Thus, the many conflicts that happen among people are often created by your own self. You don’t know that you won’tstay in this world for a long time and that all things will pass. Think about the time when we were young, we have passed through our youth very quickly, our youth and middle age are like an illusion. So, I hope that you can understand, do not be arrogant, because everyone is the same in that we cannot escape the Four Noble Truths. If you keep thinking that you are better than others, that you are more knowledgeable than others, then slowly you will experience more conflicts in life. Family conflicts stem from one’s difficulty in remaining humble, whether with your wife or husband. There are conflicts happening because you can’t remain humble, you always think you are right. This is arrogance. There are those who haven’t practised Buddhism well, they have acquired the habit of complaining, they often complain about other people’s flaws. By doing so, you would feel as if your heart was shackled. There is not one moment that you would feel liberated, as long as the shackle remains in your heart, there is no way out, you cannot liberate your inner world, you will suffer from much pain and suffering.
Thus, we need to truly understand what happiness in this world is. Let me tell you, happiness is not about how much you gain, it is about less complaining. The less you complain, the more happiness you will experience in your life. If you complain and worry all the time, you will not enjoy a happy life and destiny. So, after learning Buddhism for some time, don’t be too harsh with others, don’t complain when things don’t go your way. In learning Buddhism, you need to learn to control your emotions and state of mind. When you know that you are not in a good mood today, you need to learn to control it, only then can you attain inner peace. In this world, we often hear people say, as described in Buddhism, life is impermanent and nothing is eternal. On hearing this, “Gosh! This is meaningless.” It gives rise to a feeling of misery in your heart. “Gosh! Everything is transient.” How unbearable it is! You feel that everything in this world would go to ruins in the end, rendering all your efforts meaningless. You have put in so much effort but things won’t last. You may feel you will lose everything. When you die, so there is no value to your life. You will feel agonised, there is no anchor in your heart. What do you really want to do, what are you here in this human realm for, day by day you live through life aimlessly.
For some people, when they hear about impermanence, they hold a different attitude. Since nothing is permanent and eternal, then I should take this opportunity to experience pleasures in life. They indulge themselves in hedonistic pleasures, in greed, hatred, and ignorance, and lose themselves in their sensory pleasures and vanity. All of these are done to fill the void within them. But after the pleasures are gone, what they bring for themselves is only more suffering, emptiness, loneliness and unease. Just like when a person is feeling troubled, he takes to drinking alcohol. He can only temporarily forget his worries, but later on he will feel frustrated again. So, I want you to know that if you are a non-Buddhist, a layperson, you would only have a unilateral understanding of impermanence. You would say, “Sigh, what can I do, everything does not last anyway.” Hence many people have a wrong view on impermanence. Since you know that impermanence is the nature of life, since you know that everything in the world is impermanent, if you do not have the right perception of impermanence, then you would not hold out the right hope for your life. Hence, in your mind and in your real-life interaction with others, you will use idealism as your yardstick, thereby causing many conflicts with others. To give an example, people may say, “I should work hard, but why should I work hard when everything is impermanent? All will vanish in the future.” Actually this kind of thinking creates endless suffering and obstacles for yourself. So there is a gap between reality and idealism, gradually you will think, “Why am I born to suffer so much?” As such, many children often think, “Why did my parents give birth to me only for me to suffer?” If you think this way, you won’t have a correct view towards life. You wouldn’t understand what the beginning of a complete life is about.